The Gargoyle Code

It’s Saturday so my substack today is a sampling of my creative writing. Some years ago I attempted a Screwtape Letters type book for Catholics to use for Lent. I realize that there is a whole sub-genre of fiction-horror-spirituality writings that imitate C.S.Lewis’ classic, but not to be daunted, I made my own attempt anyway—and the comments and feedback I got was rewarding. Should a writer try to imitate the master? Why not? There are many paintings by good artists that echo the masterpieces in style and genre. My attempt at the genre was an updating in a more specifically Catholic context.

Anyway—The Gargoyle Code was the result and following its modicum of success I wrote Slubgrip Instructs. Here’s the summary:

Master Tempter Slubgrip writes daily to trainee tempter devil Dogwart, advising him on the temptation of a confused young Catholic, while he struggles to control his own ‘patient’, an older man who is facing a serious illness. Meanwhile, Slupgrip has to watch his back, keep control of various under devils who are plotting to take control of his territory and send young Dogwart to the banqueting house of their Father below.

The whole book is available through my website here, and it if you want it as an e-book or audio book the links are on the same page.

So for today’s creative writing excerpt, Here is the opening of The Gargoyle Code

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Last February the listening posts of the International Intelligence Agency intercepted and unscrambled a series of messages that were sent electronically from sources unknown to destinations that have yet to be specified.

These communications were filtered out from the millions of faxes, text messages, emails, internet forums and telephonic electronic impulses radiating through the atmosphere. They were disguised and encrypted within the billions of electronic mail signals transmitted and received everyday, but seem to originate from a communications system that is independent of, yet parasitical on, the normal global electronic communication systems. Computer programs have now been able to unscramble and de-code the messages.

Experts are still unclear who composed or sent the messages, but they seem to be instructions and training for undercover agents working in the field of religious propaganda. The first of the messages is incomplete. The fragment reads…:

…As the most recent communiqué has made clear, the new technologies of communication are to be exploited for our own ends. Now that our clients have developed such ingenious means of communicating with one another invisibly, it might occur to some of them that other invisible means of communication, like extra sensory perception, intuition, and even spirit channeling are possible. This interest may be developed into a passion, then an obsession until the individual invites you to either appear visibly or occupy his physical form.

This is a classic tactic. Down through the ages we have been very successful in using human fascination with their own technology to lure them into the dark labyrinths of the occult. How fondly I remember the wizards, magi and sorcerers. They started with books and experiments, and ended with spells to turn lead into gold and create potions that guaranteed eternal youth. They are not really not so different from the computer boffins, genetic engineers and plastic surgeons of today who begin by being enchanted by their own technology and end up being enchanted by one of us.

You will naturally want to encourage this, because you think that from such interests you will be able to lead the gullible brutes into the delightful playground of spiritualism, seances and the occult proper. This may be effective for some of the humans, but I would advise you not to overestimate their gullibility. Unhappily, most of them are rather level headed and regard spiritualism and the paranormal as a silly past time for foolish old women.

Their present disbelief in anything supernatural provides the best working conditions for us. They may not believe in miracles and life after death, but that also means they don’t believe in us, and they certainly don’t believe in the possibility that we might infest their bodies. This is just what we want. Enemy agents are always most effective when no one believes they exist.

Although it is attractive and sometimes pays dividends, encouraging the hairless chimps to explore spiritualism and the occult is more often counterproductive. If they go down that route they may actually start to believe in the supernatural, and before long they may start to take the claims of our enemies seriously.

Instead of the obvious route of tempting them into the occult, simply get them obsessed with the cleverness of their new playthings. In time you may get the females in your ward to use the internet for high speed gossip and endless shopping. Use the technology to lure young men into an addiction to pornography or role play games. With a little bit of finesse Dogwart, you will be able to lead the women into vanity and pure spitefulness while they indulge their greed while convincing themselves they have got a bargain. Meanwhile you may lead the men into a fantasy world of sloth and lust and that is only one step away from the warmth of our eternal home.

Finally, be on your guard. This week begins the season the enemy call Lent. Despite our success in turning this into a time for ‘sharing with others’, some of the enemy’s agents still take prayer and fasting seriously. Watch out for them. The self righteous little cretins make me want to vomit up all the exquisite bile I have been imbibing. Step on them Dogwart. Crush the vermin.

At this point the transmission is interrupted.

A few days later another fragment of the mysterious messages was intercepted, de-coded and translated:

Shrove Tuesday.

So you have seen the excesses of Mardi Gras in New Orleans and got all excited have you? How amateurish of you to start frothing at the mouth with anticipation! How little you know your own patient! I have checked the files on him Dogwart. A lily livered Catholic boy in his mid twenties is not going to suddenly descend into serious decadence. Having gone to that Catholic High School, the enemy’s agents have unfortunately honed his moral sense. As a result he’s likely to feel guilty just thinking about a girl in a bikini, and your hopes of him getting ‘down and dirty’ as you so crudely put it, are nothing but ridiculous fantasy. You don’t seem to realize that little brats like him are actually repulsed by the more extreme forms of fun. The flamboyant decadence enjoyed in San Francisco and New Orleans is a bit rich for the little greenhorn. It’s an acquired taste dear boy! Too much too soon and they run away. You need to lead them downward slowly but surely.

Ignore Fat Tuesday, Mardi Gras, Shrove Tuesday—whatever you want to call it. You may get him to take a few risks at a party or overindulge in some way, but the most predictable result of your bringing Fat Tuesday to his attention is that he will most certainly remember that tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, and what we don’t want him to do is attend Mass and go through that ridiculous ceremony where they smear ashes on their foreheads.

Block the whole thing out of his head Dogwart. Remind him of a television program he likes, then get him to sit there all night and watch whatever banal trash comes on the screen. Make sure he has a big bag of snacks and a half gallon of ice cream. Once he’s sated he might sit there for hours simply hopping from one channel to another. Get him into this state of mind, and keep him there, and he’ll be yours forever. Make sure he does this alone. Before long he’ll be in a downward spiral of loneliness and depression, and then you can really have some fun.

In my younger days I had several patients who might have accomplished great things for the enemy, but I succeeded in getting them to fritter away literally years of their lives watching mindless drivel on television. In the end their brains were fried very nicely and they not only stopped having creative thoughts, they stopped thinking altogether. Both of them grew enormously obese, missed the chance of marriage and one of them eventually descended into depression and blew his brains out. Messy for the cleaning lady, but satisfying; very satisfying indeed.

I know this sort of tempting is boring at first Dogwart, but persistence yields great rewards. Babylon wasn’t built in a day! We must learn to accept some drudgery as part of the price of our freedom. I realize that these souls are utterly boring, and when they finally make it onto our menu they are as bland as tapioca pudding. Never mind; we must all earn our bread and butter dear boy.