Introducing Duane Mandible
On Saturdays on this substack I am publishing samples of my creative writing. I have been blogging for nearly twenty years, and it is all archived over at my website. Most of the archived blog content is free, but there is also some audio and video content for subscribers. I have determined that everything here on my substack will remain free for all readers. I’m not doing this for the $$. However, if you want to support my writing here on the substack you’re free to do so. If you want access to loads more content on my blog/website, then you can subscribe there on this page. Either way, no pressure. I hope you enjoy what I post and encourage you to enter the conversation in the comments box. If you enjoy this free substack, please re-stack posts, share with your social media contacts and help me grow my audience.
Today for the my creative writing post, here is an archived contribution from “guest blogger” Duane Mandible. He came to life as a satirical wink and nudge in the ribs to ultra traditionalist Catholics. You’ll see that Duane is such a rad-trad that he thinks the sedevacantists are too liberal…This post was written after the election of Pope Francis.
Duane Mandible on the Last Pope
Guest blogger, Duane Mandible is a contributing editor to The Truth Hurts, a bi-monthly journal of politics, economics and opinion. He also contributes regularly to Freedom Monthly; Illuminations and The Sojourner. Duane is the author of Guns and Knives will Save Your Children’s Lives. He is Vice President of the Sacred Society of St Philibustre, and enjoys hunting rattlesnakes, square dancing and watching re runs of comedy television classics. He is unmarried.
It is with great interest that we in the Sacred Society of St Philibustre have observed the election in Rome this week of “Cardinal” Jorge Mario Bergooglio as “Pope” Francis. Of course we are saddened that our own Pope Linus has been rejected by the “Conclave of Cardinals” but it was to be expected. We who hold to the ancient traditions of the church are used to being persecuted by the purveyors of clown masses.
In his first appearance on the balcony and first Mass we have already seen how Pope Francis has betrayed the minimal reforms in the liturgy pioneered by the timorous academic Joseph Ratzinger. The mozzarella was not worn, nor was the cappucino magnum. The triple tiara was left in the museum, and on his feet he did not wear the slipperia rubum. The seedy gestatoria was not restored nor the peacock fans. At Mass in the Sixteen Chapel I noticed that neither the buttoned, nor the more ancient be-ribboned maniple was worn. He also did not stand up very straight. “Pope Francis” as he has called himself, is clearly another impostor and an anti-pope. Our own Pope Linus will soon be issuing a statement from his home in Bishop’s Stortford in England regarding this pretender to the chair of St Peter. In it he will stress the importance of the Western Ambrosianic Rite (non-collegian) and the institution of the be-ribboned maniple.
What interests me more than these liturgical innovations and infractions (which we have come to expect from the post Vatican II Novus Ordo Church) was the fact that Pope Francis clearly fulfills the prophecies of St Malachy. These earth shattering prophecies from the Old Testament minor prophet Malachy reveal that this is the last pope before the end of time. As the prophecies state, “Petrus Romanus will reign before the sun falls from the sky and then after the great persecution the great judge will come.”
You may well ask how a Pope from Argentina whose name is Jorge and who takes the name Francis may be seen to be “Petrus Romanus” or “Peter the Roman.” We must remember that prophetic language is always cryptic and ambiguous. It takes some discernment to ascertain the true and certain meaning. The clue is in the name he has assumed. The full name of St Francis was Francis di Pietro di Bernadone. The middle name “Pietro” means “Peter” in Italian and “di Pietro” means “of Peter”. Although Pope Bergooglio comes from Argentina, he is the son of an Italian railway worker, and therefore he is a true Italian not an Argentinian. The capital of Italy is Rome, and all Italians consider themselves Romans at heart. Therefore it is clear that he is the “Petrus Romanus” of Malachy’s prophecy. In addition to this, “Pope” Bergooglio has wandered from one country to another, and as a roaming bishop he can be understood to be Peter the Roamin’.
Furthermore when Pope Francis stepped onto the balcony he spoke of his love for “this beautiful city” of Rome and most intriguingly said that the cardinals had chosen him “from the ends of the earth.” This cryptic phrase can also be understood as “from the end of the world” indicating that as “Supreme Pontiff” he knows that the end is nigh. In addition to this, the name “Jorge” is the Spanish equivalent of “George” and St George is the patron saint of Britain, of which the ancient “emerald isle” of Ireland is a part and from which St Malachy originated. The pope’s given middle name is “Mario” which indicates that he is one of the “Mario Brothers” of video game fame. These were inspired by Italian mafioso figures–a sinister undercurrent to what seems to be a humble and simple papal candidate. Finally the name “Begooglio” connects him with the internet giant “Google” who control the information gathered by millions across the world thus providing intelligence for the one world “Novus Ordo” New World Order. I don’t think it can be any clearer that this new pope is part of the Freemason/Bilderburgher/Mormon conspiracy of which the singer Donnie Osmond and the politician Mitt Romney play a part. And the ingenue and singer Marilyn Monroe.
I do not say this to you my dear friends to alarm you in any way, but to remind you that there is still time to turn to the one true church in which there is salvation: the Sacred Society of St Philibustre. If you would like more information please contact our Archpriest and Universal Potentate– The Right Rev and Most Blessed Major (ret’d) Donald Rickles through our website: true church.com
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To read more of Duane Mandible’s guest posts go to my blog/website and search Duane Mandible.
This was hilarious. Would love to hear more from Mr Mandible.
Excellent!